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Clash of the Titans Trailer

Dear God,

If you could find time your infinitely expanding day to make the new Clash of the Titans as badass as I not only want it to be, but as badass as this trailer makes it seem, that would be, you know, awesome. I know you have a lot going on with stuff like people committing genocide, building new nebulas and smiting the wicked, but if you could please make sure that this doesn't come out like a retarded stillborn, that would mighty cool of you. I need this movie to not suck.

Yours sincerely,

Chris

P.S.- Oh, and since it's pretty obvious you're not going to prevent Michael Bay from making movies, could you maybe imbue him with just a modicum of talent? Thanks.

Joel Silver Doesn't Seem To Get Sgt. Rock

I know it sounds like there's a lot of hate on this site when it comes to comics and the like making the transition to the big screen, but hate is what you get when you (and by "you" I mean asshats like Joel Silver) decide to toss out integral parts of what make a certain property what it is.

Like taking Sgt. Rock out of World War II and setting him and his company in modern times, as is Joel Silver's current plan.

For the comic fans out there, I doubt I really have to explain why this is upsetting. For the non-comic fans, suffice it to say that Sgt. Rock, as a character, is so tied to the World War II setting that to remove him from it essentially renders paying for the rights to do a movie on him pointless. Just make a modern war movie and use some original characters. Save some cash on rights? Hell, it's not like people are going to flock to theaters to see a Sgt. Rock movie anyway based solely on his name. Just do something new. Save Rock for someone who actually wants to do the movie right.

Some Chick From Twilight Movie Gets Naked

I can tell you precious little about Twilight beyond that it is was on while at a friend's house once and I lost interest almost immediately. Bad acting, bad writing, bad everything. Bad, bad, bad. But this chick, who evidently appears in the movie wants you to get behind PETA's cause, joining her in a crusade against cruelty... cruelty to, um... something...

Wait, what were we talking bout?

Behold, The New Peter Parker

There's not much more to say about the Bono and Edge propelled Spider-Man musical trying to get wings on Broadway. I mean, what else can be said about a take on Spider-Man that not only plays fast and loose with the concept and presents Peter Parker, as Bono put it, as kind of like a young Kurt Cobain? Anyway, this kid's name is Reeve Carney and he'll play the titular character in Spider-Man-Turn off the Dark.

"Clash of the Titans" Posters Leaked

Clash of the Titans made a young Chris go apeshit crazy any time it was on. So I've kind of been a little skeptical about the coming remake. Not that the original is a paragon of great filmmaking, but it has a special place in my heart right there beside The Beastmaster. Now, posters of the remake of Clash of the Titans have been leaked online and they look pretty damn slick. Not that a poster is any indiction of the quality of how movie is going to actually be, but if the movie lives up to the promotional materials then we could be dealing with a decent remake here folks.

Although it seems odd seeing Zeus in plate armor...

Source: Ace Showbiz

2012 Spoilers. Who Knew It Actually Had A Story?

I think I might respect Roland Emmerich as a filmmaker if he just came out with a movie that was just an hour and a half of shit blowing up and no shitty plot shoehorned in. But as it stands, in the buildup to all of his movies, we have to be exposed to interview after interview of him talking about how his films are trying to say something or how his characters are compelling, or how he's not a bad filmmaker.

Here's what the his latest opus is about:

"2012" deals with a planetary alignment causing intense solar reaction to the Earth, essentially boiling it from the inside which causes the planet's crust to shift and change with numerous disasters from volcanic activity, massive tectonic displacement and mega-tsuhamis wiping out much of the surface of the planet.

The ending has several ark-esque ships surviving the cataclysm and heading toward one of the few remaining stable land masses to have survived - the African continent.

Seriously? Was he asleep during high school? Did he not have to take Earth science, geology or any other actual science class? If there were a massive geological upheaval as described above, there would be no lone land mass left, let alone an entire fucking continent!

And the Earth "boiling" from the inside? Christ almighty, even if there were land masses left after something like that, guess what? No one will be around to take advantage of it.

So how much faith does Emmerich have in his genius? A lot, evidently, as he's trying to turn the movie into a TV show...

"The plan is that it is 2013 and it's about what happens after the disaster. It is about the resettling of Earth. That is very, very fascinating. [The show] will focus on a group of people who survived but not on the boats... maybe they were on a piece of land that was spared or one that became an island in the process of the crust moving."

Gordon adds "there are some people who survive and the question is how will these survivors build a new world and what will it look like."

Again, I have to ask, did Emmerich or anyone on his team actually read up on how tectonic shifts work? Hell, did anyone Google it? Look it up on Wikipedia? Yahoo Answers? Look at their third grade child's science book?

Who let's this guy keep making movies? More importantly, who's going to see them?

Source: Darkhorizons

Jerry Bruckheimer Developing Lone Ranger Movie With Depp as Tonto...

No, no, no. No!

Here's the skinny:

Bruckheimer said to expect Depp to do for Tonto what he did with Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.

"[Pirates writers Ted] Elliot and [Terry] Rossio worked on that also with some other writers and with Johnny [Depp]," Bruckheimer said in a group interview last week in Santa Monica, Calif. "So they're creating something that has a kind of true-to-the-western [feel], but adding other additional elements like we did with Pirates so it won't be just a straight-ahead western."

Why? Why can't it be a straight Western? What's wrong with a straight Western? Why does every movie based on something period now have to look like The Mummy or even Pirates of the Caribbean? Is there something wrong with harkening back to the likes of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West, Unforgiven or about a million other incredible Westerns that are now considered cinema classics?

And Johnny Depp as Tonto? Granted, I love me some Johnny Depp. I think he's the greatest actor working in Hollywood today. I look at the man's career and stare in wonder. But why does Tonto need the Jack Sparrow treatment and why, oh why can't we get an actual Native American to play one of the most iconic Native American roles ever?

And why the fuck can't we just have a straight up Western?

Fuck.

Source: Sci-Fi Wire.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Trailer

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

If you ask me, it looks like a mash-up of The Mummy and Pirates of the Caribbean. Which could be good or bad. But if we're being honest is probably bad. Still, I like the whole Arabian Nights look and feel. Too bad I never played any of the video games. Oh, well...

So... Will They Kill The President?

According to Variety, Warren Ellis' Black Summer is being developed for the big screen. Here's how the publication describes the story and it's premise:

"Summer," published by Avatar Press in 2007, centers on superhero team the Seven Guns, a group of scientist-adventurers who modified their own bodies for street-fighting in order to take back their West Coast city from a corrupt police force, criminal local government and rapacious private security forces.

That's all well and good, but what the blurb fails to mention is that all the action of the story gets underway as one of the former members of Seven Guns walks into the oval office and guns down the president and his staff on charges of war crimes. As a result, the government decides to go after all former members of the group.

The series was extremely political, and it seems based upon this blurb that whoever is developing this into a movie may be trying to put some distance between the flick and those post-9/11 themes. Plus, I mean, come on, this is Warren Ellis we're talking about. The guy's MO is pretty much shock and awe followed by thoroughly thoughtful and engaging story telling. You know, the stuff Hollywood thinks mainstream America can't handle.