Monday, December 3, 2012

Christmas Treat Review: Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes


An essential part of Christmas is the sudden flood of themed snack foods. Some food manufacturers go all out, introducing entire secondary lines of product, while others just repackage existing treats in red and green wrappers. There’s a lot to choose from but The Nerdury is going to take some of the difficulty out of the equation.

In this Christmas Treat Review series, I’ll be joined by the lovely Tiffany, my wife and blogger over at “…Yes, But Does It Please and Sparkle?” So without further ado, we kick things off with…


CHRIS: Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes. First things first, the box art. I like it. It screams old-fashioned Christmas from the font to the classically rendered Santa. It’s nice.

TIFFANY: Why the hell is Santa holding Honey Buns?


CHRIS: Holy shit, I didn’t notice that until now. Cross product marketing, maybe? Christmas Tree cakes aren’t with us year round after all. Maybe when Santa does his snack food shopping Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes aren't out yet. 

TIFFANY: Ah. 

CHRIS: Let’s check out the back. What do we have here…? Looks like… what are those? Gift tags? Yep, those are gift tags. Would you use these on gifts?


TIFFANY: Mmmm hmmm. Cute.

CHRIS: Now let’s take a look at the nutritional facts…


TIFFANY: I’d rather not, but fine… OK, 200 calories is not terrible for 1 cake. The whole box has 1,000 calories. What does concern me, however, are the ingredients. Oh my, partially hydrated oils, mono and diglycerides…

CHRIS: You’re making words up now.

TIFFANY: …but hey, there are a couple of healthy things – uhhhhhh, turmeric is healthy. I guess salt could be, if I just ran a marathon.

CHRIS: So what say we open the box and have ourselves a snack?

TIFFANY: OK, I’ll get the toothbrush ready. Not to brush my teeth but to shove down my throat so I can get this nasty stuff out of my system before it settles on my hips and ass.


CHRIS: That’s cheating! Besides, where’s your holiday spirit?


TIFFANY: THIS IS 200 CALORIES??!!! It’s tiny.

CHRIS: Let's hope it packs as much taste in this tiny vessel as it does caloric intake. And here we go… 

Each taking a bite.

CHRIS: So, first bite. Initial thoughts?

TIFFANY: Well, it definitely takes me back. I kinda knew what to expect. Overly sweet, a little bit of crunch – is it supposed to crunch?

CHRIS: Those are the sprinkles. Sprinkles crunch. What surprises me is how light it tastes. Seriously, it’s like biting into air.

TIFFANY: Yeah, air and diabetic coma.

CHRIS: I taste more sugar than anything else. Is that normal?

TIFFANY: It’s pure sugar you idiot.

CHRIS: Maybe that’s why Santa is so Goddamn fat.

TIFFANY: No, it’s because he eats Honey Buns.

CHRIS: Do you think he even likes Christmas Tree Cakes? I’m starting to think he doesn’t. Maybe he’s holding Honey Buns on the box in protest. It’s like he’s saying “I’ll be on your box, but no way will I freely distribute these Goddamn things.”

TIFFANY: I think you’re on to something.  It’s so shitty that even Santa won’t eat it, and look how fat he is.

CHRIS: Come on, I wouldn’t really call them “shitty”…

TIFFANY: Are you saying they’re “not shitty?”

CHRIS: Sure. That’s what I’m saying. They’re not shitty. Just not great.

TIFFANY: Well, why don’t you just eat the whole box?

CHRIS: …

TIFFANY: That’s what I thought.

CHRIS: Other thoughts? Insights?

TIFFANY: I'm not going to eat any more, if that's what you're asking. I'm not even going to finish this one. Throw it away.

CHRIS: Alright, so we’ve sampled a Christmas Tree Cake. And I should point out these were the angel food cakes. We still have the devil’s food variety to review…

TIFFANY: I feel sick.

CHRIS: So. Final thoughts?

TIFFANY: Nope. I think I said it all.

CHRIS: Shitty?

TIFFANY: Yep.

CHRIS: While I’m definitely not going to ever seek these out to purchase again, I will say they’re not the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. I’m more disappointed than anything. I don't know what I expected, but this wasn't it. I’m going to say a C.

TIFFANY: Look. They’re not the worst thing I’ve ever eaten either, but they are waaaaaay too sweet and honestly bring back pretty traumatic memories of Kindercare. Ugh. D-.

CHRIS: Harsh.


Be sure to check back for more of Chris and Tiffany's Christmas snack food review extravaganza!

6 comments:

  1. Please write a review of my holiday fave, White chocolate covered oreos. I get one box every year. This year was probably the most disappointed I've ever been in them, but we ate them anyway.
    Oh, I will also be making Jake's secret family recipe fantasy fudge, Martha Washington Balls, and lady fingers if you would like to sample them. They do not come with nutritional value info. They're just that damn sweet and horrible for you, but made with love from my kitchen, so it doesn't f'n matter. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. We'll definitely look into that. We want to be as holistic as possible with this series and any suggestions help.

    And yes, I'd love to sample Martha Washington Balls. I'm totally open to new experiences.

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  3. Is there a Christmas themed Claxton Fruit Cake?

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  4. I thought that Fruit cake didn't need a Christmas theme, but I see your point.

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  5. Here's the thing; we've got a fruit cake on deck, and unfortunately for the Claxton Fruit Cake, Hostess defines it specifically for the holidays.

    That said, I'm sure what comes out of Claxton will be much better than what we sample from Hostess...

    ReplyDelete

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