"Contrary to popular belief, the list of comic-based movies I enjoyed is actually longer than the one of those I don't."
Maybe I was tired of being called a hater, maybe I was tired of being called a purist. Maybe I was just in the mood to declare my love hypothetical lists. Typed with no irony, I felt confident in the moment to make that exact assertion. But then?
Then I realized there was no actual list.
"Holy shit balls," I thought. "What if someone calls me on that? What if I have to make a list and it turns out I'm a liar? And if that happens, what will people do should they learn they can no longer trust my Facebook status updates?"
Thus it came to pass that in the spirit of being open and honest with the good people of Facebook, I carved out just under five minutes to make that list a reality. I made that list and what I found was nothing less than shocking.
I was shocked to learn just how fucking terrible I am at making basic columns. Seriously, those were my first two attempts. Whatever. Science is trial and error. At least that's what I told myself as I crumpled up the second miserably failed chart. Anyway, my third attempt at making The List would be where the magic would happen. My third attempt would not only be where I would (barely) succeed in drawing multiple columns, but where I would also succeed in telling the haters...
... TO EAT IT! HA!
See that?! Boom! The list of comic movies I could think of in about five minutes is so totally longer than the one of comic movies I hated. It's even longer than the list of comic-based movies I'm almost completely indifferent to. Hell, it's so long, I needed a second page to continue onto! That's right. I'm absolutely not the hater you (or I) thought I was.
Hooray for lists.
Hooray for science.
Hooray for me.